Happy Easter, everyone!!
The words to this song are so very important, but never once have I focused on the words of the songs I was singing while I was singing on stage. I have always tried to focus on getting the words right, not falling or tripping, being in tune, etc. I have sung Forever so many times. In my car. In the tub. Around the house. Pretty much everywhere. I knew it would go well, although I don’t think my voice does the song justice.
After practicing the song with the band a few times and leading the song during our first service, I was certain the second service would be perfect and that I’d be able to relax and do what had been asked of us- “Worship WITH them. Don’t just lead.” So just like before, I grabbed my mic, turned it on, closed my eyes, and waited for my cue. As soon as I sang “His body on the cross” I started getting choked up, and by the 2nd verse I lost it “in front of God and everybody” as they say. I couldn’t sing, couldn’t say the words. Matt, one of our preachers, sings loudly. Since I like hearing him, I tried to focus on his singing to get myself together. During this breakdown, I also heard someone.. possibly Derek (because he had a super huge smile on his face at the time and was all but dancing while directing our group).. let out a cheerful yell or laugh- I’m assuming because what was going on with me was completely understood by this person. The combination of that single cheer/laugh, Matt singing, and the knowledge of how important the words are, composure was regained. It took a few lines, but what are you gonna do?
This had never happened to me before in front of other people. I have cried listening to others sing or play, but never while I was the one being listened to. I’m a visual person. What I hear or read, I see in my mind…. and this song always gives me such a vivid picture of the crucifixion and resurrection. It’s never one like in pictures or in movies. It’s different. First person. The abandonment Jesus must have felt.. The feelings of those watching.. It is all in my mind at once. If you’re the same way, you know exactly what I mean. Matt unknowingly described the emotions in his sermon on Sunday. Despair…. and then the greatest hope EVER. I’m not sure if it was the fact that I was tired, or the fact I had decided to worship instead of lead, or a combination of the 2 that got to me.. but I realized what I was singing and was just completely overwhelmed.
Lucky for us, we don’t have to experience the hope the disciples had when they met and followed Jesus only to have that hope ripped away. We will never have to feel the despair of watching our Savior be taken from us for what we think will be forever. We get to only have hope and joy because we know He will come back for us.