It’s Not Me, It’s You

Last night, I got one of the most…. hateful text messages that I have ever gotten.  First: let me give some background for this person.  I met him when I was in school in Gainesville: the very first day, actually.  We became friends fast and I totally had a crush on him, but felt that he was being nice to me just like he was to everyone else.  Unfortunately, this was also around the same time that I was dating the “sperm donor.”  I didn’t know until a long time after I had Mini-Me that this guy liked me in a way other than just a friend.  I had NO CLUE.  Since then, he and I have had many conversations about the situation and I have apologized COUNTLESS times for it.  Each time, he had assured me that it was fine and in the past.

Ok.. so back to last night.  I was sitting on my bed and I get a text from him– the first text I have gotten from him in A LONG time- a few months, at least– the text read (I apologize for the vulgarity): “I miss you, Anna!  I want that beautiful vagina of yours!”  I read it a few times to make sure I was seeing right.  I responded with this: “Excuse me?? I miss you, too, *Name*, but my opinion of you is greatly lowered because of your inability to talk to me like I’m a human being and not just a sex object.”

The message I got back was straight venom. I wish that I could post a screen shot of it, but unfortunately, my phone doesn’t have those capabilities.

“Sorry.  Liquid courage.  I’ll delete your number.  Apologies.  Wish we’d had the chance so long ago.  If you hadn’t willingly been someone else’s sex object in the past, maybe you’d be mine and not that of a dead beat dad.  Guess that’s my fault, and the reason I’m limited to drunk texting you wishing for old times when we were together, despite the fact you were sleeping with someone while hanging out with me.  All this mess is my fault evidently.  Sorry for that.  Women like you are the reason I drink myself to sleep every night and the reason I’m forever destined to be single.  My fault I guess.”  

Of course, this message from him hurt me really badly.  The “Guess that’s my fault” is him being facetious.  I tried calling him, but he didn’t answer his phone.  He refused to answer because he said that all I was going to do was fuss at him.  He couldn’t have been more wrong.    At the time, I was in tears.  I was upset for me causing that much pain in him.  I was upset because almost 7 years later, I was somehow still hurting him.  I left a message telling him that I was sorry that I hurt him and that I was sorry for apparently putting all women in a negative light in his eyes.  I texted my friend, Deidre about it..  After talking to her, I realized that it wasn’t me, and I wrote this response:

I know I sent you a voice-mail tonight saying that I was sorry for making you feel the way  that you do… but after thinking about it and letting the initial shock of your words wear off, I DO have something to say.  
Who are YOU to say those things to me?  Who are YOU to blame me for you being single?  How many opportunities have you had to spend time with me?  I’ve asked numerous times.  How many of those opportunities have you taken?  NONE. NOT ONE.  It has been about 7 years since I’ve seen you.  What in the WORLD are you doing sitting there and brooding about something so honestly insignificant so many years later?  It isn’t MY fault you didn’t take the chance when you had it.  It isn’t MY fault that you are single.  
As to the comment “Women like you are the reason I drink myself to sleep every night and the reason I’m forever destined to be single.”  At first, this hurt me.  “Women like” me.  That was meant in a negative way- reflecting the “me” you knew.  However, you don’t really know me anymore, do you?  You really don’t.  If you did, you’d know that “women like” me are strong, independent, loving, God fearing women.  “Women like” me won’t accept someone like you texting them and saying things like, “I miss you, Anna!  I want that beautiful vagina of yours!”  “Women like” me wont accept a grown man blaming her for HIS OWN faults, mistakes, and shortcomings.  The reason you drink yourself to sleep every night is this: you are unhappy.  You blame “women like” me because you somehow became less of  the “you” I knew and stopped taking responsibility for your  own actions.  I don’t hold that glass (bottle) of wine, bottle of beer, cup of rum & coke, whatever your poison is, to your lips and force you to drink.  You do that to yourself.  See…. you COULD have a “woman like” me…. but as long as you act this way and talk this way to a “woman like” me…. you’re right…. you WILL always be single.  
Just remember that it’s not to late to turn around and run to God like you used to do.  I still love you, regardless of how hurtful you try to be.   

I think the worst part of this was realizing that someone who was basically super-human in my eyes, is actually just a regular human.  Just don’t use your own hurt to hurt others,  You never know what someone is facing at the time…. Just like he didn’t know that this week has been mentally hard for me.  His words couldn’t have come at a worse OR better time.

(Originally posted on my old blog on September 18, 2014)

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