Way to go, Me

A few weeks ago we were headed to school.  While we were discussing something that The Kid’s class was doing, I told him, “Don’t be scared to ask for help, okay?”  Immediately I thought to MYSELF, “Derp.  Way to go, me.  Giving him advice that I don’t even take.  Good grief.”  Seriously.  That’s exactly what I thought.  I’m not paraphrasing.  Haha!

I’ve been told by Mama and Deddy that my first sentence was “I [can] do it myself.”  If you know me, I’m pretty sure that doesn’t shock you in the least bit.  I detest asking for help.  I would much rather dig myself into a hole trying to figure something out on my own than ask someone to help me.  The past 7 years or so, I have spent so much time trying to control every single aspect of my life.  I’ve lost sleep and I’ve driven myself to the very brink of literal and certifiable craziness multiple times.  I am a master of over-thinking.  My picture is next to “anxiety” in the dictionary.  I like to make things more difficult than they actually are.  It’s a real talent, it is.  Usually by the time I’ve asked for help, I’ve spent a lot of time freaking out internally and running through every possible outcome.  I do this even on things that should be fun like picking out clothes, creating a piece of art, learning to play or sing a new song, or making brownies (or whatever.)

Does this remind you of someone (yourself) or of a situation?  I’m thinking it does….

How often do you try and figure things out on your own without talking to God about it?  How often do you wait until the last minute or until things seem unbearable to ask for His help?  I’ve gotten better in my communication with God.  Most nights I fall asleep before I finish praying and I spend a lot of the day talking to God in my head, but I have found that I STILL try to figure things out on my own.  The years since I moved back to Madison have been rife with evidence that I do not have to do things on my own.  The past year has been even more than those before.  Progressively, things have been organized without me even having to take the first step, but for some reason I can’t grasp the fact that it just isn’t possible for me to figure things out peacefully on my own, nor can I understand that I’m not strong/powerful enough to.  I have noticed recently, though, that the desire to be so tyrannical has weakened.  I have wasted a lot of time worrying, “when is the next time I will work?” “How am I supposed to pay for ‘this’ or ‘that’?”  (Sometimes the things are stupid things, but those are for another blog another day.)

Here’s an example of things working out without me even really beginning to worry about it.  (When I say “really worry,” I mean I haven’t entered “Freak-Out Mode.”  Yet.  Actually, I never got even the slightest bit close to “FOM” in this situation.)   I have to drive to school an hour away twice a week next semester.  I had been wondering what I could do to make a bit extra so I wouldn’t be so crunched for gas money.  All of the sudden and when I was least expecting it, God.  Proving Himself to me yet again.  Some members of my life-group at church always seem to need me to house sit or watch their kids at the exact moments I am running low on funds.  They go above and beyond to help me and I never expect it or see it coming.

Philippeans 4:6-7

It’s funny (but not funny at all) how many times we can read something in the Bible, but still not do what it says.  The same can be said for how many times we have to live and relive things before we FINALLY understand.  It’s human nature, I guess, to want to do things alone without asking some “man in the sky” for help or waiting for his answers.  But the thing is, God isn’t just some “man in the sky” or “fairy tale.”  He is our Creator.  Provider- Jehovah Jireh.  Counselor.  Shepherd- Jehovah Raah.  Teacher.  Lord God Almighty- El Shaddai.  Comfort.  Father.  He is everlasting- El Olam.  He is the most high God- El Elyon.  Elohim.  Yahweh.  Adonai.  He is the Lord of Peace- Jehovah Shalom.  The list goes on and on.

The point is that in everything we do and everywhere we go, He is there.  All we have to do is ask and listen.  He wants us to ask.  He wants to help us.  It would be a cruel god who creates a being and leaves it to its own devices.  I am so thankful that the One True God has not done this.  As many times as we fail Him, He continues to show us He’s still here- watching out for us, waiting for us to ask for His help, and for us to just follow Him.

1 Chronicles 16:11


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