A few weeks ago, a friend of mine from 23 years ago posted on Facebook that she was thinking of running away and starting over. She just needed a change of scenery and to be able to breathe again. Life had gotten overwhelming and she just didn’t want to deal with it. She spoke straight to me.
People who know me know that I do a fair bit of running. Whether it be ignoring things that (sometimes) shouldn’t be ignored, cutting off people with no warning/explanation, or the real act of leaving/moving. It’s a bit of a theme in my life, I think. Most of the time, “running” doesn’t help. I may have cut that person off, or I may be ignoring a problem, but the person and problem remain on my mind. The situations remain what they are and remain in my heart and mind because they haven’t been faced or handled.
On occasion, though, running away really does help. I’ll give an example:
I moved from South Georgia to run away from something. I was running away from a toxic 3 year relationship that I don’t think would have ever ended had I not moved. We were stuck in a cycle. We would be the model couple for a few weeks, and then one of us would lose ourselves and we would be each other’s worst enemy. We would try to get our relationship in line with God’s desire for us, but then our desire for each other would become greater than our desire to follow Him. Back to square one we’d be. The true downfall and nuclear bomb that ended all we had was the late 1st trimester loss of our child. After that loss, I just KNEW that it was because I wasn’t following God’s will for me. I started getting involved in a church down there. He tried, but chose to remain living as we had been before. So during this down time, I decided to move.
I definitely didn’t go about this move the right way. I won’t get into all of that on this post, but my actions with it didn’t follow God’s desire for my life, either. However, once I got my feet or more stable ground, I became active in church here helping lead youth. Turns out, my running away from something bad also helped me run TOWARD something good. A real, life-changing, roller-coaster of a relationship with Christ.
Even now, I’m in a completely different situation than I was then, but I still find myself trying to run from God’s plan. I can’t explain it and I don’t know why I do it. Maybe it’s the “I can do it myself” attitude I’ve ALWAYS had. It’s a constant tug-of-war between the old life and this new life I’ve created. A “tug-of-war” between what I think is best and what God knows is best. Through it all, though, I’ve learned that running from most problems just leads to others, and if I don’t continually remind myself to stop running from the problems and run toward God, then I will remain in a self-destructive cycle that’s neither good for me or The Kid. It’s a tough pill to swallow- not running anymore and allowing God to take control. It’s a process that, if you’re like me, will take years and years and years and years. But I have faith and trust in His Word that it will all be for His glory, and therefore, totally worth it.
Father, Today I come to you to ask you to do what I know you will- Chase me. When I try to run, chase me. When I act like Jonah and try to take over, send a storm, send a worm to humble me and remind me Who is in control. Remind me that when I am facing something hard, that You face it with me. And when You are facing a mountain with me, there is nothing that is too much and no that there is no need for me to run. Remind me that Your plan and path for my life may seem like they are leading me away from my desires, but when I am truly and faithfully following You, Your desires become mine. AMEN