*Typed version of my journal entry from October 16. If the other entries have bothered you, you may not want to read this one, the one from October 13, or the one from October 17.*
16 Oct 2017
So he really is seeing Alexis. I found a post she made on Twitter 10 hours ago. I wrote about it in a poem on my blog.
So now, he’s saying he still loves me, etc…. while still talking to or dating her.
Literally everything he has said has been and is a lie.
Everything is a lie.
I’m still shaking close to an hour later. I’m still shaking.
I just want to break things
I want to rip every book off of every shelf
Break every window
Now I’m sitting in the cemetery- it used to bring me peace, but now it just reminds me of when Justin was happy with me. Of the time he got off work & just wanted to see me so badly that he got on his motorcycle & drove to M to find me & I was just here sitting & thinking.
But now I feel like I was just something to pass the time- that I was being manipulated & that he didn’t mean anything he said.
I feel worthless.