*Typed version of my journal entry from October 3*
3 Oct 2017
Today…. today I feel the meds not working so well. I have skipped between being okay & not being okay. I can tell I’m starting to get worked up again. Granted, I don’t feel the absolute need to stay in bed & away from people as much as I usually do.
I can also tell I don’t have emotions about people like I used to. I know there are people I care about, but when I try to think of losing them to force some kind of reaction from myself, it just doesn’t bother me- I don’t like that. I can’t tell if it’s because I broke myself last week or if it’s because of the medicine I’m on.
I don’t feel like “me.” Not that I really know who or what that is or feels like. I still feel all of those things I listed and then some…. and they make me- not sad & down like usual- but – like…. I don’t know. Like they’re not a “thing” anymore. I’m just indifferent to them.
I still feel the urge to run.