Marriage, What Happened?

I have been sitting on this for awhile. When I see people posting on Facebook or hear them talk about how the constitution of marriage has been ruined by “the gays,” I get really irritated. Most of these people say that since it isn’t biblical, it destroys the meaning of it. Some even go so far to say that it destroys the meaning of all marriage, gay or straight. In my not-so-humble opinion, those people are WRONG. Homosexuality and the allowance of gays to marry has NOT destroyed marriage.

*insert gasps, shrieks, and women fainting*

I’m sure many of you reading will disagree with me. Some of you may even be mad after that statement. My guess is that 50% or more of you fall into one of those categories. Keep reading anyway.My parents have been married for 43 years (I think). They’ve no previous marriages, nor have they “stepped out” of their marriage with another man or woman. Both sides of grandparents only had one marriage and remained married until their deaths. (I have one living grandparent remaining.) That’s not to say that all of these marriages were sunshine and rainbows all the time, because they weren’t. I’m sure they all had their disagreements throughout the years, but their commitments to each other lasted regardless.

As someone who has never been married and has never even been close to getting married, I still very much believe in marriage and its being a lifelong covenant between two people. While I agree with the fact that homosexuality is not biblical and goes against the religion of our country’s founding fathers, I don’t agree with it being the downfall of the constitution of marriage. What I see as the downfall of marriage, in broad terms, is the lack of respect people have for one another. Somewhere along the way, (I partly blame the growth of technology and the slow burning persecution of Christians) we have lost the understanding of the importance of commitment to and relationships with other people.

I’m only going to say a bit on 2 points today. While the following things can be covered by the umbrella of “disrespect,” I think we need to be a bit more specific. I have seen and heard of so many marriages being ruined because of someone being unfaithful. I’m sure many of these started out innocent enough. You all know what I mean. “Oh, we are just friends.” “They’re just a co-worker.” That type of thing. I know A LOT of people who think that flirting is innocent. In some cases, it is. Example: I know a number of people who have the type of personality where they “flirt” with everyone even if they’re not purposefully flirting. But at a certain point, it becomes destructive. And what about those who are unfaithful and haven’t told their significant other? Who think because they don’t talk to the person they cheated with anymore that it doesn’t matter. Who carry on and on about how they and their spouse have always been faithful and had each other’s back, yet not even 2 months after the wedding, they were in another man’s bed. (Yes. Someone I once counted as a friend did that, and to this day, I can’t understand it.) Someone please tell the audience how this is a healthy relationship. How is it healthy to begin a marriage upon this?

Many think it’s ok to complain about what you see as your spouse’s shortcomings to someone else of the opposite sex. (I know that some friendships really are just that, but many times, there’s an underlying motive for the friendship.) “He just doesn’t do anything special for me anymore.” “She doesn’t even wear make-up when we go out and never tries to look good.” Or anything else of this nature.. It opens the door for someone to step in and try to fill whatever “gap” there may be. One complains about a spouse. The other becomes the shoulder to cry on. Sometimes, one thing leads to another and BAM. Bonnie and Clyde becomes Bonnie and Clyde and Pete from accounting, only Clyde has no idea that Pete even exists. The only person you should be talking about this with other than your spouse (or maybe a counselor/therapist) is God.

Lastly, what is WITH people getting married, separating a few months later, not even trying to reconcile, and then GETTING ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE A DIVORCE IS EVEN IN THE WORKS?! And to those who are ok with being in a relationship with a married person, (whether they are separated from their spouse or not) YOU HAVE ISSUES. I’m sorry. This makes me angry. I have this exact thing more than once this past year and it just baffles me. How do you forget so soon that covenant that you made with your spouse and God. Did you just think it was words and nothing more? These fly-by-night one season “marriages” are what is ruining marriage. They are showing the younger generations that your words and promises to other people (and God) mean nothing.

(Originally posted on my old blog on January 3, 2017)

The One and Only

One thing that I pride myself on and that I absolutely LOVE finding in other people is this:

The fact that I try my hardest to be myself is one of the things I love most about “me.” Do I try out new things because someone suggests it? Absolutely! Will I try to style my hair differently if I see a picture that I like? Sure! Did I get my idea for 30 Before 30 from someone else? I definitely did! But the things on the list are all ideas of my own. They’re all things that I, personally, want to do for many different reasons. What I DON’T do is try to be someone else. I DON’T cut my hair a certain way because someone else did. I DON’T try to take on attributes of others. I DON’T try to compete with others in life, and I definitely don’t put on a front on social media (or otherwise) to make people think I am someone I’m not.

Transparency and originality is something that seems to be fading into a lost art. An interesting, fun, and genuine way to get to know others and to form REAL relationships with them is to be yourself. Don’t try to impress someone by being what you’re not. Be the real you. There is nothing more awesome than allowing yourself to be really known. To be 100% yourself and to have others love you for it.

The best thing about my 4 best friends are that they are unapologetically themselves. Each one of them, while very much alike, are very different. The reason that we get along well with each other is because our friendships are based on honesty. From the beginning of our friendships, Deidre, Linsey, Laura, and Lena have always been ourselves. Maybe we held back a bit at first, but we were never trying to be someone we weren’t. Many times I have found myself holding back around a new person or group of people because I feel that they might not like “me.” (More often than that, though, I hold back, not because I want to, but because I fight quite often and intensely with anxiety.) Holding back and pretending, though, are two completely different things.

When you pretend to be someone or something you’re not you end up miserable. Chances are, you’re making others miserable, too. Not only this, but if you base relationships (this includes friendships) on the basis of something that isn’t true, you run the risk of really hurting people. You break the trust they have given you. You essentially betray them. Hurting yourself is another blow-back from trying to be what you’re not. This act that is being put on can end up causing you to struggle with yourself and doubt yourself. It is extremely unhealthy to allow yourself to continue with these facades.
The beautiful thing about life is that we can REALLY be whoever we want to be. (You cannot ever truly become someone else, though, no matter how hard you try.) God made each of us for a specific reason. He made us all different, with different features, thoughts, likes, dislikes, etc. for a reason. What would be the point of having everything the same or having everything “perfect.” Your best option is to accept “you” and be “you.”
(Originally posted on my old blog on August 5, 2016)

A Little Christmas

I am SOOOO excited about Christmas. I’m pretty sure you are, too. Who doesn’t love Christmas, right? Mini-Me and I set up our Christmas tree on Saturday…. I think…. He helped hang some of the balls and put the angel on the top! (Our tree is only 4 ft, so it wasn’t a huge stretch.) It’s basically decorated just like our tree from last year. We had a blast!

We also put some snowmen on our sliding door. $2 from Wal-Mart!! I apologize for the REALLY REALLY horrible picture! I’ll try to take a better one later, I promise.
    Since I am from the days of Hanson, I searched until I could find their Snowed In album. It’s fun and upbeat. There was some crazy dancing done by the Kid. I also played Harry Connick, Jr’s Christmas album, and another CD that I’m pretty certain none of you have heard of. I found the CD recording of the last Singing Christmas Tree that my dad directed before we moved to Georgia. There are so many wonderful songs on it. One of my favorites is called “What Kind of King?” and is sung by my youth minister, Vaughn. I couldn’t single out the song to upload it, so I just did a listening video. Unfortunately, the video took waaaayyyy too long to upload, so I’ll have to save it for another day when I have more time.
Be sure to check back tomorrow (or later today) for my next entry. It is one that is very close to my heart and a huge wish that I have.
Until then, God Bless!!
(Originally posted on my old blog on December 4, 2013)